Rabbit Hole
by zephyrchild
Summary: Delphine and Cosima hiding from each other, getting to know each other a little better and getting high.
1. In Greys

324B21. Cosima.

She hadn't known. Not back at DYAD in Toronto. Everything was so compartmentalized. No one knew what they were working on. Not really. She looked at blood samples, health test results. All with tag numbers; no names, no details. She compiled reports on the health of her subjects. Charted their test results and forwarded anything troublesome directed to Dr. Aldous Leekie. She knew that they were human. She wasn't blind to what she was working with. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything. When Aldous demonstrated interest in her, she jumped at the chance. And fell not only into his bed but far deeper into DYAD that she had ever imagined. Access to his office, access to more information about the clones but not, unfortunately, access to everything. The only reason she knew their names was Cosima's file. Perhaps it had backfired.

Nevertheless one day Aldous had invited her into his office. "How would you feel about," He hesitated looking at her, "Leaving the lab?"  
She'd looked delighted, "And go where?" She hoped this wasn't just another vacation offer, although if he was paying it might be a way to better ingratiate herself.  
Leekie stretched back in his chair before tapping the file in front of him on his desk. "Minnesota. Undercover. With me. Cosima needs a new monitor. And we want her here at DYAD."  
"But... monitors report back on the clones. I'm a scientist, not some-"  
Aldous laughed, once again waving Cosima's file, "A scientist is exactly what we need, someone who can meet Cosima on her own level. Her last monitor was a disaster." He shakes his head.  
Delphine reached out for the file, "Is this a promotion?" "Yeah. It's a promotion. Recruit Cosima. Bring her to me." Leekie smiled and handed over the file.  
"Which one is Cosima?" Delphine asks as she takes hold of the file. 324B21. Cosima Niehaus. She leafs through the information, Leekie smiles at her as she finally sees a photo of her subject.

The woman currently staying in her apartment doesn't feel like a test subject anymore. She's a complete person and a marvel of science. It only serves to draw her in deeper, to heighten her attraction to her. She blushes slightly at the thought. Recent memories of Cosima flit across her mind, a subtle smile playing on her face.

"Delphine," She starts with a playful tone of voice, "What's in my file?"

She sighs looking over at the woman lounging on her bed with one hand on her laptop and a pot brownie in the other. She'd asked Cosima not to smoke in her apartment. She never did - only on the balcony. But her reasons were more to do with the blood Cosima was coughing up. Cosima tried to hide it, but she noticed. She didn't want her irritating those lungs anymore. Cosima had simply smiled, grabbed a small plastic bag from her luggage and spent the next half hour in the kitchen. The results were currently being enjoyed.

"Dr. Leekie knows more than I do, chérie." She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over Cosima's shoulder. The curtains were pulled shut, there was nothing much to see anyways. Cosima rolled to her back looking up at her, "But what do you know? Do you know who my monitors were?"

The pot brownie was placed, half-finished back on the plate on her beside table as Cosima ran through a list of former lovers, "Adrian was a dolt. Doubt he was smart enough. Kate might have been. Megan was just weird with me..." Cosima trails off making some sort of count on her fingers.

"I don't know chérie. I never met your former monitors." She doesn't make eye contact. It's true what she says but it's not everything she knows. Cosima doesn't need to know that she tells herself. She could try to explain that she overheard Leekie. She could try to make the details vague but Cosima would probably ask her more questions. Another memory comes to mind, Aldous in her bed, his cell phone ringing on nightstand in the middle of the night. Hushed voices speaking from next to her in bed. The sex had been mediocre, but it had had its advantages.

"But not my parents." Cosima reasoned, breaking Delphine's train of thought.  
Delphine shakes her head, "No they wouldn't have been aware the embryo wasn't theirs."

Cosima stretches out on the bed, "She thinks they might have used donor eggs."

"What?" Delphine is lost for a moment.

Cosima gestures vaguely towards her with her left hand, "My mom said that they'd been talking about it."

Delphine pauses, "Well she was nearly 40 years old when you were born."

"Are they on file too?" Cosima sits up.

"Little things. Names, occupations, date of birth. Nothing detailed." Delphine shrugs. "Most of us at DYAD do not have access to the files."

"But you do." Cosima said rolling over onto her belly, she catches Delphine's hand in her own and pulls her down enough to kiss her neck sloppily. She hums contentedly into Delphine's skin.

Delphine smiles and laughs, "How many of these have you had?"

"Just one. And I'm not high yet, and neither are you." Cosima grins and takes off her glasses, "It's time to get you baked." She puts them to the side besides the plate.

She considers for a moment, then eyes the plate on the beside table, "How strong are they?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you." Cosima strokes her arm. She doesn't seem high right now.

She reaches for the brownie and brings it to her mouth. It doesn't really taste different to her. Soon she's relishing the chocolate and licking the crumbs from her fingers. She feels nothing different, "I think I need another one."

Cosima raises an eyebrow, "No, just wait." She pulls herself up and kisses Delphine. She's still getting used to this, how soft she is, how arousing. Cosima moans slightly into their kiss and she feels herself respond to it with a throb. Finally Cosima breaks the kiss, flopping back down on the mattress beneath her. She seems completely unfazed by the kiss they just shared. She hovers over Cosima breathing heavy for a moment.

Finally she smiles, "Still nothing." Maybe it won't work on her. She knows people respond differently to drugs. Hell, she knows how Cosima's body responds to drugs, at least on a biological level. There was usually a level of cannabis in her system whenever her blood was taken in the past. She knew about them all, not names but substance abuse issues in two other subjects and illnesses. But who were these women? Would they all remind her irresistibly of this woman in her arms? What did she really know about them. And what would she find out? She'd been assigned to Cosima now, that was her job. Working on Cosima and working to cure Cosima. Living with Cosima, she supposed that was part of it now too.

Her life had been utterly consumed by DYAD even before she'd met Cosima. She just kept falling deeper into the rabbit hole. She hovered over the marvel of science, currently looking up at her. She didn't think she'd ever be able to get out of this, even if she wanted to.

_Authors note:_ I own nothing except plot. It is unbetaed (on a side note if you are interested in betaing for me feel free to PM me)


	2. Slipping In

Cosima's looking up at her, she flashes a somewhat suggestive smile and starts taking off her rings - putting them on the now cluttered end table. She bites her lip. She doesn't feel high yet. DYAD, illnesses, clones and Aldous still weighing heavy on her mind. Her clone, oh she'd hate to be thought of like that. Her Cosima. She could lie to her, that was easy enough. But loving her, can she really love her and lie to her?

Shaking her head slightly she reaches for the plate again, but Cosima stops her.

"Give it time, seriously don't eat another one." Cosima warns, her eyes more serious than Delphine had ever seen them before.

She glances down at the younger woman, "How long does it take?"

"An hour, maybe two it's been a while." Cosima smiles, "Smoking it is faster, and well, kind of safer."

"Safer?" She hesitates before responding, "How baked am I going to be?"

Cosima laughs, "Really, really baked."

She lets out a sigh, unsure of how this is going to go. She might as well try to kill the time before the high kicks in. But she won't initiate sex, that has to be Cosima's doing. She hesitates, what else could she safely kill the time with.

"Tell me about your parents, your life." Something normal Delphine told herself, something humanizing. She lay down on her side next to Cosima.

"Don't you already know?"  
Delphine shakes her head, "Only names and ages. Carolyn Doyle and Dominik Niehaus Aged 39 years and 43 years at your birth."

Cosima clears her throat, "My mom was a university librarian working in Boston when she met my dad. It's actually kind of a cool story - my dad was a guest lecturer from the west coast doing a lecture on medicinal uses of plants-"

Delphine snorts with laughter glancing over at the brownies as Cosima breaks into a smile, "I'm sorry ma chérie, go on." She gently runs her fingers over the dreads. They look so different down, wild and tamed at the same time.

"Anyways, my mom was bored and decided to go to the ethnobotany lecture on her lunch. She still tells me the world stopped the first time she met my dad - but I think she's probably exaggerating."

Delphine agrees, "Probably." Still nothing, she thought, thinking of the pot brownie she'd consumed. Shouldn't it have done something by now? Her mind was a busy and as rational as ever.

"Anyways, she was so enchanted by my father and his accent she invites him to dinner, he accepts. They both swoon. Long story short- Dad officially immigrates, Mom and he find new jobs in San Francisco, they get married-"

"Swoon? What's swoon?" Delphine runs across words in her mind seeking an equivalent in French.

"Oh damn, translation, translation-" Cosima reaches for her phone, types for a moment then speaks, "Se pâmer?"  
The accent isn't the worst she's ever heard, even so she tries not to laugh, "Fainting? They fainted? In the restaurant?" That can't be right. She doesn't usually have to reach for words, but every once in a while there's something that she can't quite grasp or translate.

"Not really. More of a romantic, mushy stare and swoon sorta thing. Ok I'm guessing that one is lost in translation." She smiles that same infuriating, arousing smile. Is she really going to have to make the first move? Delphine wonders to herself. Even after having sex again at Felix's she was nervous. Performance anxiety, she hadn't seen that coming on this side of thirty.

She nods her agreement, "I have no translation for it. So where are they now?"

Cosima's tone is slightly surprised, "My parents? Oh they still keep an apartment in San Fran. They travel a lot. Both retired now. Dad guest lectures a bit." Cosima shrugs as well as she is able from her spot on the bed.

She's probably killed the mood entirely, but she's curious about the things that aren't in the file. What kind of child was Cosima? What was her family really like? How old was she when she fell in love with science? Had her first kiss? Got dreadlocks? The million little stories that you learn when you're with someone. The insatiable desire to learn Cosima inside out. She hasn't had that in years. DYAD effectively consumed her life, and she loved it, mostly. She hadn't been in love, really in love since she was in medical school before her PhD. And now? She looked back at Cosima again, letting her eyes wander down her body. Love. She can't say it. There are so many things she can't say. She shakes her head without really thinking about it.

Cosima breaks the silence, "What are you thinking?"

"That I know so little about you," She responds honestly, stroking her fingers lightly down Cosima's shoulder.

Cosima half-smiles, "Well we've talked science enough you know my research interests. So like childhood stuff? Or like exes and history stuff?"

"Anything. Tell me anything." A taste of the normal, pretending there is a divide between her work and her personal life.

"Umm okay," Cosima starts, " Well after montessori school finished when I was 12 I got to be the weird kid for the rest of school." She gestures with her free hand, leaned to her side to be closer to Delphine.

"Who wasn't?" Delphine pulls herself in closer, "I read all the time. I spent three years obsessed with planets and outer space." She smiles at her own memories. Her brothers, her parents - now divorced, learning english, first loves, academics, sex and boyfriends. It all ran together in her head. She never anticipated this, falling for a woman. Even an incredible one like Cosima. But Cosima doesn't ask her questions, almost like she's afraid to.

Cosima half-laughs back, "For me it was animals, then Egypt - I was going to be a veterinarian."

"And an archaeologist?" Delphine adds lightheartedly.

"Not really, that was a short phase." Cosima pulls her in closer. It's still strange to have a smaller body in her arms. She's momentarily distracted by the breasts pushing against her own. Even through layers of fabric. Cosima seems to notice her attention drifting and loosens her grip slightly, "You okay?"

Sometimes she's afraid she's going to cry again. At a little thing like this. She's so sensitive to me, Delphine muses silently. She doesn't always cry after sex, but with Cosima she doesn't seem to be able to help herself. How could she have expected this?  
"Yeah." She leans in for the kiss. Enjoy the feel of it, Cosima's lips playing with her own, her tongue teasing her into a sort of madness. She doesn't seem sick now. Not at all.  
Her heart starts to thunder in her chest and she's not sure whether that's the drugs or Cosima's kiss or something else entirely. In the end she just gives into it, straddling Cosima, leaning down to kiss her as strong hands find her hips and encourage them to move, still fully clothed, into Cosima's.  
That sweet mouth has found it's way to her neck, to her earlobes and she moans slightly. One of her own hands has gone to unbutton her shirt, shucking it off as quickly as possible  
"How do you want me?" A voice whispers low and steady in her ear and her breath catches. That voice alone could keep her up all night wanting.

Her only response is another moan, longer and deeper than before. She's rolled to her back, her legs wrapped around Cosima's hips pulling her closer. Cosima's dress is suddenly absent, she notes as she feels smooth skin under her calves as if it has all been electrified. It just feels like more.

"The things I want to do to you..." The words are whispered into her neck. She finds herself staring at her ceiling clutching Cosima close to her.

Suddenly she's aware she's gone under. She's not lucid, definitely not lucid and it is scaring the hell out of her. Panic sets in, she knows she's breathing heavily. She feels like she's swimming desperately in her own mind trying to regain control.

"I don't like this. Je m'excuse... Is it supposed to be like this?" She could speak, but as she spoke she seemed to lose track of her thoughts. She was instantly convinced she could see her thoughts slipping out of her mouth. She had to stop them. Je t'aime. She could think it easily enough, but Cosima understood a bit of french- and she could risk something like that slipping out. J'ai baisé Leekie. She didn't want that one coming out either. Too many secrets. She's biting her lip.

"Delphine?" Cosima's voice is calling her name sleepily, but she's probably lost in her own haze.

"Merde. Jamais plus Cosima. Ça m'a fait peur. My thoughts are slipping out." She clutches desperately at Cosima's shoulders, holding her like an anchor but Cosima is high too.  
"No they're not. You're just high. Maybe a little too high." Cosima strokes her hair, backing up slightly.

Eventually the panic fades. She finds herself gently tracing Cosima's tattoos, absolutely consumed by them. The dandelion seeds floating up her forearm seems to be moving slightly. She traces the lines with her tongue, with her lips. The euphoria bit has set in, she reasons to herself.

Cosima's fingers stroking her cheeks, her wet cheeks she realizes after an entirely too long period of time.

Cosima's voice speaks from somewhere above her, "I'm so sorry Delphine. They were stronger than I thought. I only had a half. So so sorry."

She's not. Totally lost in this. Just this. It's bliss now. She is in touch with everything in the universe. She is everything. Cosima is everything. "I'm alright Cosima."

"You're crying again."

She smiles weakly, and contents herself with being held and losing herself in the mundane little things, the stupid things. Cosima's fingers in her hair, the feel of the sheets on her bare back, the roughness of a dread twisted between her fingers. It was enough for now.

_Author's Note/Disclaimer_ - _The "bad trip" high was based loosely upon the experience of a friend of mine. Eating marijuana tends to create a more intense and longer lasting high - though it takes longer to kick in - I streamlined the timeline a bit for this fic. I do not advise recreational drug use. Any substances you consume after reading my fanfiction have nothing to do with me and you do so entirely at your own risk.  
_


	3. Surfacing

She lays awake squirming rhythmically on the sheets. Just enjoying the way they're bunched under her. The feel of the smooth cotton against her skin. She doesn't want to sleep. She unbuttons her pants and kicks them off. Throws her panties on the floor beside them. She continues her repetitive motion. The euphoria since faded but still she lay awake. How long is this going to last? Delphine sighs. Still baked? She wonders to herself. She glances over at the clock. It's been hours. She can see Cosima, watch her slow steady breathing. Her eyes peacefully closed. She continues to squirm, arches her back and stares up at her boring white ceiling.

Cosima can sleep, she'd confessed earlier that sometimes she smoked just to chill out and sleep. Delphine couldn't imagine feeling less awake. Less alive. Even so, she's tired, she's always tired here. Living and working in english requires all her concentration. The last few days have been more draining than most. Cosima's blood at DYAD. Sarah impersonating Cosima, attacking Rachel. Cosima's 'sisters' may not care about the risks they were taking with stunts like that. But she certainly did, she couldn't have this falling back on Cosima.

"Cosima." She whispers, but it doesn't manage to wake her. A few dreads falling in her face. She strokes her cheek, distinctly aware of her own arousal. She sighs aloud and curls closer to the sleeping woman. Feels the soft skin underneath her delicately gliding fingertips... should she wake her? She glances down Cosima's nearly naked body, it doesn't seem so scary now. And she doesn't feel too stoned.

Her phone vibrates from somewhere in the room. She doesn't need to reach for it to know that it's Aldous. She shakes her head. Contacting her at this hour is extremely unwise. She slips out of bed and spends a couple minutes searching for her phone - she finds it along with a text message. It's just the time Aldous wants her and Cosima at DYAD tomorrow morning. She lets out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. Whatever he thought was between them, Aldous seemed inclined to let it go for the time being. Perhaps permanently, if she was lucky. Cosima wouldn't like it, she knew that much. She could only hope he acknowledged she was of more value professionally and as a monitor to Cosima than she was in his bed. She was tired of passionless sex, and now that she's tasted warmth again she can't imagine going back to it.

She knew Aldous respected and enjoyed her mind but she also knew it would have taken him much longer to notice if she'd spurned his advances last year. It was true what she told Cosima, Leekie is a liar. She's known that a long time now. And now, so is she. But for Cosima, she's doing this for Cosima. She hadn't been lying when she told Cosima that. Someone has to protect her at DYAD. Someone has to save her. She now has to be scientist, monitor, doctor and lover to Cosima. Lover, she blushes at the thought. And yet, they'd never completely undressed for each other. She was naked now, and again she wonders, should she wake her?

She remembers again the feel of Cosima's hands on her. It was only days ago that they became lovers. It's only natural, she recalls from years ago, to want it all the time. And before she'd fallen asleep, having decided that Delphine was too high, Cosima had wanted it too.

She leans in, pulling herself closer and throwing a leg over Cosima's hips.

"Lève-toi." She whispers into Cosima's ear, pausing to graze her earlobe with her teeth. She kisses along Cosima's cheek, down to her neck and backs off only when she feels Cosima stir beneath her.

"Huh?" Cosima blinks slowly and looks at her bleary-eyed. She laughs slightly, she can't help it, it's so cute. Their faces only inches apart now.

Cosima moistens her lips with her tongue, "Something wrong?" A moment passes as Cosima takes stock of what is going on around her, she suddenly smiles, "You're naked."

"Oui, tout-nu!" She answers affirmatively, nuzzling at Cosima's shoulder. She's louder than she intended to be and realizes she might still be a bit buzzed after all. She has herself pressed to Cosima's hip, and she's certain that even through the fabric of her panties that she can feel her arousal.

"So is this all-french thing just what you get at 1 am?" Cosima asks, rolling over to get a good look at her, a hand follows a path from her shoulder to her breast and she feels herself shiver in response. Cosima doesn't seem high at all now.

"Too tired for english," She responds, her accent coming out stronger than usual, "Bien trop fatigué." She repeats for emphasis.

Cosima for her part, lays there giggling at her, "If you're so tired why did you wake me up?"

"Baise-moi." Delphine whispers, hoping Cosima understands that much French. She'd heard her say it before, under her breath. But she's been highly distracted at the time. She wonders for a moment if she was understood or if she needs to think out a sentence in english.

Even with no more words, the way her eyebrow arches and that grin spreads across her face answers her question. She's not sure if she's stoned or sober, but that doesn't stop her from returning Cosima's kisses, stripping her of the last of her clothing and losing herself in this. This suddenly insatiable desire. Ever the scientist Delphine wants learn everything about Cosima. And she'll start here.


End file.
